Friday 30th Sept 2011 - Day 17!!!!

The Diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - 2 small pears
Lunch - Ham salad
Snack - Peach
Dinner - Chicken kebab
Snack - Yogurt

Well its day 17, who would have thought I would get this far!!!  Date with the dietitian on Tuesday and I am hoping this time I don't get told off - why should I anyway I have lost a stone already in two weeks - don't think I could do better than that!!!!  It definitely is mind over matter with this diet, as long as I stick to a routine with times I am ok, if I let myself get hungry thats when I start thinking of other things like chocolate!!!  Lesson learnt there!!!  But one bar of chocolate in 17 days is fab considering how much I did eat every night!!!

Was going to meet Steve for lunch, but he has been called away, so another long boring day - but I know its not his fault, so I am not blaming him, was just looking forward to seeing him!!!  Been having nightmares again and they unsettle me, they seem so real!!!! Off to do some chores, be back later!!! Had a good talk with my mum tonight about my diet, thing is I am a little scared of being obsessive about it, I am afraid I sometimes do this about things and it then rules my life! So I have decided that I am allowed a sin every now and again and that I shouldn't feel bad about it. So tonight I had my sin, Steve automatically ordered it with mayonnaise which shocked me, but Steve had my pitta. I had a few chips but not many. Anyway it really wasn't worth having I felt no more satisfied than when having my normal diet salad! So from now on if we are out I will eat what I want but when at home stick exactly to my diet. This is not set in stone but worth trying! Just wish my mood would lift, it is so hard to try and get through everyday feeling like this. Do I say today has been a success? I still think so, I haven't binged on chocolate, so yes its still a success! Lets see what tomorrow brings.

Thursday 29th September 2011 - Need a little luck!!!

The diet thing -
Breakfast - Banana
Snack - 2 small pears
Lunch - Ham salad
Snack - Yogurt
Dinner - Ham salad
Snack - Peach and jelly

Morning everyone!!!  Well as you know from my previous blogs I applied for a samll job, unfortunately they never got back to me :( I did ask to be let know either way but obviously it was easier for them not to tell me!!!  so I am wishing for a little bit of luck, I just need a little job, I am not searching for something that is going to be impossible for me to do healthwise!  Going to have another look at the job centre and see if anything else available.  Report back later!!!

What a day! Diet going fine, life in general is crap! Not sure what direction to go in at the moment. I only need the simple things in life, but everything seems so complicated. Yep,  I feel very lonely at the moment and alone in my thoughts, although it would be nice to share, I really can't.


What a hard day!!!  Diet a success though, so yay!!!

Wednesday 28th Sept 2011

First the diet -
Breakfast - Banana
Snack - missed
Lunch - chicken salad (pub lunch)
Snack - 2 small pears
Dinner - Beef salad
Snack -

Oh dear, I had another interupted nights sleep, but this time keep going to the loo, but I no longer wake up for chocolate which is brilliant.  Had an early morning, went with T to the tattoo shop and watched her have one done!!!  I must find a cat that I really like so I can have mine done too, I do need to add to the collection I have (tattooos not cats lol) !!!  We then had a stroll around Ripley and then went to the pub for lunch.  I had a chicken caesar salad without the caesar sauce - how hardcore am I lol!!!!  I did have a panic when I got home thinking, have I blown my diet because I hadn't made it and weighed the meat - what I didn't seem to realise is that I had the option of anything on the menu and I still stuck to the diet - yay!!!!

Unfortunately the panic and the whole mental issue just took its toll and I was then not very well.  Didn't help that I had backache, but I feel into a deep depression again.  It wasn't helped by the fact everyone went out and left me too - it would be nice if someone checked if I was ok before running out of the house!!!  Trouble is they know what I am going to say, so to avoid missing out on their own entertainment they ignore my needs - does that sound selfish????  Yes probably, but when I am that down I need support!!!!

Anyway, today was a success diet wise, so thats one happy note to leave today on!!!!

Tuesday 27th September 2011 - Praying for a better day!!!

As usual the diet first -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Nectarine
Lunch - Ham Salad
Snack - Yogurt
Dinner -
Snack -

Morning all, I am now really praying for a better day.  I have been really really low now for quite a few days.  Everything has lost its meaning at the moment and everything seems pointless, but I am forcing myself to stick to the diet, saying that I don't feel the need to do anything else!!!!  I am not thinking about nice food or cheating because it all seems pointless.  I have nothing to look forward to and my life just seems really hard.  I will come back later and hopefully I will have something interesting tio write about.  Bye for now!!!

Well I am back, still feeling really crap, but hey ho nothing I can do about it!!!  Just been thinking about the job interview I went for last week, still not heard anything, so I am assuming that I haven't got it.  Its a real shame because I would have really liked it and it would, I am sure given me some confidence back.  I am sick of feeling like a loser.  I really thought 18 years ago when I got ill, it wouldn't last long and then after what I had experienced, I would make the most of life and enjoy myself - oh boy how wrong was I!!!!  I know this is the first step to changing my life, but as much as I hope it will, I know weight loss is not the miracle I am looking for - saying this I am not giving up on the diet!!!  Oh no it has taken me too long to get into this mindset and I am not going to throw it away!!!  Well it looks like I will be continuing with the job hunting, but how often do 12 hour a week jobs come along????

Its my day to be weighed again, so fingers crossed that it is still working and keeping it at a 1lb loss per day.  I must admit the diet has played havoc with my bowels, but I suppose with such a radical change in diet it is to be expected.  One more week to go before my next dietitian appointment, I think she is going to be shocked - lets hope so, as I have worked hard on this!!!!!!!!!!!

On a really cheery note, Steve has booked a week off, the second week in October.  I have today received my date for my scan (at last) and as I have quite a few hospital appointments that week including Physio, Psychiatrist, plus Job Centre and now scan, it is less stressful when I already know someone is coming with me and I don't have to make arrangements with lots of people!!!

Will report later on my weight!!!!  Bye for now!!!

As promised my weight loss up to date is 13.5lbs - yay nearly one stone!!!

Monday 26th Sept 2011 - Another bad depression day!!!

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Nectarine
Lunch - 2 crackerbreads with philly
Snack - Banana
Dinner - Beef salad
Snack -

Really struggling today moodwise, finding it very difficult to do the blog at the moment. Minnie is sitting on the computer desk so playing with her is soothing.  Luckily I am not feeling like having anything naughty up to yet, think yesterday was because I felt it would make a diffrence in my mood and at least it proved it didn't.  I spend far too much time beating myself up about things, wish I could change that, but I doubt I will - ever!!!

Well today has not got any better mood wise :((((  One thing to look forward to is Steve booking a week off in October.  Its going to be a short blog today, as I am finding everything a little too much to handle.  Another successful day!!!

Sunday 25th Sept 2011 - Wow I feel rough!!!!

Diet as ususal -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - 2 small pears and a yoghurt
Lunch - 2 crackerbreads with philly
Snack - Banana
Dinner - Chicken salad
Snack - Nectarine and 2 jellies

Well what an eventful night!!! A very funny girl needing to be let in drunk, falling up the stairs after she switched all the lights off and then the middle one needing taxi money from the hospital which the police had dumped him after being set on by some idiot men!!! Wow our life if never dull!!! So me and the hubby had a lie in this morning and now my diet is all to pot!!!!  Feeling so rough its untrue.  My mind is wandering to horrible thoughts and getting through today is going to be tough.  Good job got Steve off today!!!  Already dreading him back at work tomorrow.

Right, well I did promise to be honest in this blog, so I have a confession.  I was really not very well yesterday and nothing could lift my mood, I had extra chicken on my salad and later on I had a bar of Frys chocolate orange cream.  I just felt like if I was a bit naughty it would help my mood, and to be honest it didn't.  At first I was disappointed in myself, then I reasoned that I had lost 11lbs in 11 days isn't that enough reason to have one treat?????  Wish it had made a difference, but honestly it didn't!!!

I still seee this as a successfull day!!!!!!!!!

Saturday 24th September 2011 I would love to cheat......!!! + News Flash!!!

First things first - the diet

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Can't remember!!!
Lunch - Beef salad
Snack - Missed was asleep
Dinner - Ham salad
Snack - Nectarine, yogurt and jelly (was hungry lol!!!)

Morning, now in the title I say I would like to cheat - this is not entirely true!!!  The thing is when Steve is off we normally go to the pub for dinner or tea and today I am already missing that, and lets face it who wants to go out for salad when you could have chicken new yorker or something mexican lol!!!  We have decided to keep ourselves busy today so I don't get too down hearted about it.  We now have time to decorate the dining room before it changes into another sitting room as my settees, apparently, were delivered to the store on Thursday but didn't pass quality control and have been sent back, although this pees me off, it does give us more time to sort things out - so I am going to see it as a blessing!!!

I must add that the bananas I bought from Asda are horrible, not taste, so got to go to Tesco as theirs are really sweet and tasty - who would have thought I would have turned into a banana buff eh!!! lol  Well off to Tesco and Wilko, anyone need anything????????

News Flash!!! Well, just a quick report, when we went to Tesco, I couldn't resist weighing myself again!!!!  I have now lost 11lbs in 11 days, now even I think that is impressive.  I no longer want to go to the pub for dinner, I am quite happy to stick to what I am doing and keep this weight coming off!!! Now going to make my lunch. Whoop whoop!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well not long after this was written, I went really down hill.  My mood really dipped and I felt so ill, I wanted to curl up in a ball.  I decided to go to bed and I didn't get up till teatime, so this meant I missed my snack - not good but I was not well at all.  Didn't feel any better later on but managed to have tea and snack.  So really the day was a success again, but felt really ill!!!