Sunday 17th March - Mothering Sunday

Well its three weeks post op and I am going to admit to you that I am finding this process very very very difficult! I don't seem to be able to move onto lumpy food at all and I am finding this very distressing. Although I still have not been physically sick I am constantly feeling it after trying food!

Now is the time that I knocked the liquid/
pureed diet on the head and introduced lumpy food. I have now been trying this since Thursday with not good results. Within a couple of very small mouthfuls I am finding that the food is stuck in my throat and won't budge. I am not allowed to drink with food and have to wait half an hour after eating before having a drink. All this is very frustrating to say the least as I have no control and I can't help myself!

Today is the first day I have cried about it, I really think that I have been strong knowing that this was not an easy option and I did this for the right reasons, but boy, I could murder a bacon butty right now lol! I am also thinking about very sugar foods, but since I have no proper appetite I do believe this is all psychological - I admit to feeling sorry for myself at the moment, normally at this point I would comfort eat, but obviously this isn't an option so my brain has decided to torture me instead!

My pain that I suffer from my Intercostal Neuralgia has only got worse since my operation and I need my morphine more often but I am hoping this is because of the actual op cause lets face it the surgeons don't appear to be that gentle with us lol!

Life is bearable, but its incredibly hard, food was a very important part of my life and I've almost given it up! I used to love to go out with Steve and the kids for meals,  not only was it about food but it was a time we all got together

and talked and laughed. That part of my life feels over and I feel sad about that! I know the dieticians say I will be able to eat more or less normally eventually just on a far smaller scale, but because I am facing such difficulty at the moment it does feel like nothing will be right again! I wanted all this blog to be uplifting and inspiring, but lets face it life is not like that all the time. So I do apologise for being grumpy but if I can't be honest on this blog would it be worth doing or reading? I hope you are still with me on this journey, your comments help alot, so don't stay quiet, say what you think. Sending big hugs and love to all of you xxx

Saturday 3rd March 2012 - One week post op

Hi there, well its been a week and a day since my operation. I had a gastic bypass done at Royal Derby Hospital. Although I had to jump through some pretty tough hoops, I am really grateful to the surgeon of the Bariatric Services for making my operation safe and a success. There were also some pretty awesome nurses looking after me too, I cannot possibly ever be able to pay them back for their kindness and humility!

Firstly I would like to give you some of my reasons for having such drastic and invasive surgery. I decided to look into this myself and didn't ask any member of my family for their help or opinions - selfish you may think, but I don't agree, I wanted this to be my own decision, I didn't want anyone to try and change my mind - I was doing this for ME!

I have always struggled with confidence and low self esteem, right back from my school days, which certainly weren't my happiest. I am not going to go into the reason of my mental health problems as this is about weight loss and not that. Over the years things have happened for good and bad and my health has suffered because of this.

My weight problems began mainly over the last ten years, I started binge eating and then my night time eating increased to ridiculous level, yet I didn't see the problem, I ignored it and it escalated. I was essentially eating myself to death and the only person who could change this was me! Over the years I have tried diets but struggled with all of them.

I applied for this surgery years ago but never got a reply, so the last application was my third and yay I got a response and was told I would get an appointment within a set amount of weeks, well this was back in November 2010 and an appointment was given to me for February 2011.

That first appointment was a mixture of relief,  embarrassment and disappointment, I'll explain why.

I first went to see a dietician who asked me alot of questions

and revealed that this time I was successful for an appointment because I was now 'fat ' enough, how embarrassed did I feel. Its hard to accept that I must be that fat, I always wished I wasn't as fat as I knew I was! I was then told by the dietician that she didn't consider me mentally stable enough to go through this kind of surgery, this is where the disappointment stepped in. Who was this lady who had known me for ten minutes to make such a bold statement about me! I was gutted, yes I have my problems but what on earth have they to do with having surgery! She didn't seem to want to take my physical problems into consideration, because I believe that this nurse just say me as a nutter and a problem! Luckily for me I was also booked into seeing the wonderful Prof Larvin who after meeting me for five minutes said I would be a perfect candidate for surgery. Ha boo sucks to the narrow minded dietician! So to my relief I was booked in again for three months later, which is protocol for everyone, a cooling down period I suppose.! The journey from then til now was a fraught one, but despite all that was thrown at me I succeeded and lost two and a half stone before surgery. So, I've digressed so back to the reasons for surgery - For a healthy lifestyle To feel better in myself To be able to shop anywhere other than Evans! To be more active To help my aches and pains There are many more reasons but these are the most important to me Updates to follow xxx

Friday 24th February 2012 - The eve of the rest of my life!!!

I don't mean to be cryptic, some know, some don't, but don't be offended all will be revealed this weekend!!  I will explain all, my reasons and how this new blog is going to work.

So please bear with me, this is going to be a life changing experience for me and my family - all good I hope.

So keep an eye out on Facebook, I will tell you when it is up and ready for you to view.

Thanks for all your support and I really do hope it continues, it helps enormously.

Saturday 26th November 2011

Hi all, as you probably know from my whingy posts on fb that I have been struggling for the best part of a month with either my mental or physical health or both! I will really try to keep my blog up to date so you don't give up on me and my journey.  Thanks again for all your support, I would not been able to do it without you all.  Much love xxx

Wednesday 16th November 2011

The diet

Breakfast - Toast and yogurt
Snack - Banana
Lunch -

This morning I have had more than normal for breakfast but this is to try and combat the munchies from having morphine. I am still very hungry but I am sure I can now wait for a couple of hours til snack time!

I can't believe how difficult it is trying to eat regularly when I am in so much pain.  Really wish instead of just handing out pain killers that they would treat the problem instead of just masking it! Hey ho we all know what its like and I should be grateful that I get the help I do.

Everyone have a nice day and I'll be back later!  TTFN

I'm back and on morphine so may or may not make sense! Stevie made me a lovely tea of chicken with peppers and onions and some pasta. Mmm he is lovely to me, I am so lucky to have such a good man!

Anyway think this is all I am capable of today so bye for now and see you tomorrow xxx

Monday 14th November 2011

The diet

Breakfast - Pear
Snack -
Lunch -

Well its the start of a new week and I am certain that things are going to go well this week!!!  I want to try and leave all the negativity around me all behind.  Need to get a few things in my head clear, it is obvious that I am carrying around alot of excess baggage and I need to get rid of this because I know it is holding me back.   I am not just talking about my past, cause I do think that I have been able to bury alot of that in the past few months and no longer have nightmares about certain things and people.  I need to deal with the here and now, find out what is not good for me and ditch it.

I know I talk about it alot, but I can't deal with lies, yes I understand sometimes we have to bend the truth to save people feelings, but I am talking about big whopping lies, the ones that hurt people badly and then the worst of it being told lies by someone who can't remember their lies, never mind the truth!!! I must admit life is a mystery to me.

Saturday 12th November 2011