Monday 31st October 2011 - A new week, a new routine!!!!

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - Chicken breast
Snack - Pear
Dinner -
Snack -

Well the day has started terrible, I am in awful pain, so won't be long before the pain killers out!!!!  Going to keep my routine today, even if it kills me lol!!!  I am so desparate to keep this thing going, after doing so well, I feel like a complete failure!!!!!!!!!!!  There is one person who keeps me going and that is Steve, he is not only my husband, he is my best friend, life coach and my biggest fan!!! We have gone through so much together, this is just another hurdle to test us - I want to look like I did when we first met, don't get me wrong I was young then and I have not aged well, but weight wise I can be that person again.  Why is it Steve just gets more and more gorgeous with age and I look like an old witch lol!!!!!?????!!!!!!

We still need to sort this family thing out too.  We are not going to let them get the upper hand, we know they don't like me and all the blame will be forced on me, but we are not going to let that happen.  If we make friends again, it will be on our terms, not theirs!!!!  Anyway, got to get rid of this pain, Amy is taking me out this afternoon and you know what that means.........................lots of shopping lol, sorry Steve!!!!

Ah well the shopping trip didn't happen, Amy was feeling unwell so I went to meet Steve for his lunch. Got to say I was disappointed but hey ho these things happen. The diet is ok, did have a chicken breast from Morrisons.

Sunday 30th October 2011

The Diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch -
Snack -
Dinner - Chicken salad
Snack

Not having a good time at the moment, both pain and mood wise.  I am going today do some tidying up in the kitchen, the cupboards really need sorting out, so that my job for today!!!

Well managed to get lots of jobs done, but in the process made my back far far worse :(((!  The thing is I was so into what I was doing I forgot to eat - grrr!!!  This is my major problem at the moment - keeping a routine again - I must try harder or I am going to fail and I know some would love that!!!!!

Saturday 29th October 2011 - The Weekend with Stevie, yay!!!!!

The Diet -

Breakfast - Yogurt
Snack -
Lunch - Enchiladas - eek
Snack -
Dinner -
Snack - yogurt

Had a lazy lie in this morning, so I am a bit behind with eating!!!!  Just had a yogurt and will catch up with the snack and I will eventually get me lunch about 3pm!!!!  Well as they say, better late than never!!!!

Well young Sidney is doing brilliantly, but he was limping abit, but as he came through the back door, he must have jumped off the fence, so that was probably a bit painful for him!!!  As for Daisy, she is eating loads better and seems a much happier cat and the biggest bonus is that she no longer smells - bless her, she is such a lovely little cat!!!!

Right, something I have not touched on properly for a while is my mood so here goes!!!  I have been in so much pain over the last couple of weeks it has obviously had an adverse affect on the way I feel.  I have been struggling for so long and feel like life can't get any worse, then something happens and it does.  I have lost all of my positivity and feel like life is just a battle which is too hard to win!!!

Yesterday I went to Manor Pharmacy on Bath Street, in there was a woman asking for help as she was having a panic attack.  Well I have never seen such bad treatment of a person - the pharmacist never left he post behind in the pharmacy and just shouted that the woman needed to go to the doctors, I stood witnessing this and said that could they give her a paper bag to help her control her breathing, I was looked at as though I had three heads, next they were telling her to go to the hospital - now this lady was so distressed!!!  Eventually she was asked to sit down, again the pharmacist still did not make a move to leave her 'station'.  The distressed lady left, I was so incensed that I decided to speak to the pharmacist myself.  So when she bought out my prescription, I asked if I could have a word, she said yes and I asked her if she had ever had a panic attack, and she replied no not personally, so then I told her how disgusted I was with her treatment of the lady, she said it was it was not her responsibility.  I pointed out to her, that it was her duty of care to check anyone who comes into the pharmacy distressed to check on them and make an informed decision, either to sit the lady down and just reassure her, give her a drink or supply a paper bag or ring the emergency services if she thought she could not handle the situation.  I would expect this from any shop that someone was was distressed in, let alone a pharmacy - wouldn't you think this was a safe place to go????  What if she didn't live in the town and she was unable to get to the doctors, and as we know some doctors are no always open.

The point I am trying to make here is that she would not take responsibility for her actions and said it was not her job to do this and in her job she could not leave what she was doing at the drop of a hat to see someone, wtf - she even said that the shop staff could have helped - they went to her for advice - which ended up being total crap, then she said that she had asked the woman to sit down, but this was all through the member of staff asking advice, she never left her 'station'.  By the time the lady was asked to sit down, she was so distressed it was unbelievable. I did ask that if someone came in having an epileptic fit or ill through diabetes would she have ignore them too????  She didn't know what to say.  I will be reporting this to Manor Pharmacy, but I bet because it was a Mental Health Patient nothing will be said or done.

I am passionate that us Mental Health Patients get the same care and attention that anyone would.  I would love to know what you think of this.

Friday 28th October 2011

The Diet
Breakfast - Pear
Snack -
Lunch - turkey dinner
Snack - yogurt
Dinner - chicken and salad
Snack -

Well the Diet started well today, then I left the house lol! Missed my snack cause went shopping in Derby with my mum. We did a fair bit of walking but back still bad! We went to Bartlewood for a carvary and I planned it out carefully and was going to have turkey, veg and three small boiled potatoes. Anyway they were serving mashed potato (yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!) instead of boiled potatoes, so that messed up my plans and the only edible veg was leeks! So had to break my diet slightly but still not been too bad. In alot of pain tonight but hoping it won't get worse!

Thursday 27th October 2011

The Diet

Breakfast - Yogurt
Snack - Banana
Lunch - Crisp bread and chilli cheese spread
Snack - Pear
Dinner -

Well diet going well, Sidney doing well too, so that is a big worry off my mind. He took his pain killers brilliantly, was really proud of him.

I am in a massive amount of pain today but didn't want to have morphine as mum off tomorrow and we want to go out, grrr! Don't think I can last out much longer! Need Steve to come home to give it me as I'm in too much pain to do it myself.

Wednesday 26th October 2011

Tuesday 25th October 2011

The Diet -
Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - jacket potato with beans and cheese, small portion
Snack - Pear
Dinner -

Well morning got off to a good start, then felt really off it so stayed in bed. When I got up I had a pear but still not feeling right. Think I have a bit of a cold coming on, chest infection brewing and horrible pains with my Intercostal Neuralgia, think it won't be long before the Oramorph comes out. Generally I am feeling a little sorry for myself, self pity is such a terrible trait of mine!
Had a nice night out at Alison's last night with Tracey, Julie and the other lovely ladies. Its nice to get out once in a while!  We saw a medium who was really good and I was well impressed, looking forward to doing it again!

Its my weigh in tonight and I am hoping for at least a little loss, I am keeping everything crossed lol!!!  I know its been hard over the past week or more because of not feeling good myself and then having Steve off sick too, it was hard to keep my routine.  Steve not ill very often (other than last year when he did it good and proper with the burst appensdix and all that!!!!!!) so I find it difficult to watch him being ill!  He wasn't out of bed til the middle of the afternoon and although he was self sufficient with the cleaning up of any bodily fluids, I knew he was upstairs not feeling good - which then made me feel bad,  but to be honest I didn't want to catch it - whatever it was that he had lol!!!!  Anyway, I can't blame Steve for all the way my diet went, but I told you I would be honest on here and I am disappointed with myself for not being more strict with me!!!!  But anyway, its all done now and I have got back on the straight and narrow so to speak and am eating the proper foods at the proper time!!!  Routine is everything with this diet, it will not work without continuity, you have to feel hungry not starving and eat every couple of hours - thats the best advice I can give if thinking of giving this a try.  Also remember to carry a book around with you and write down everything you put in your mouth as it is easy to forget.  I found that having no naughty food in works a treat, and to buy naughty food you don't like for everyone else!!!

Anyway, I will report back when i have visited Tesco and their trusty weighing scales!!!!

To anyone new reading my blog you will have to go back alot to the beginning, but to see the whole picture it will be worth it.  I started this blog back in September and I have written on it everyday, some more than others depending on the way I am feeling at the time...................!!!!!!!!!!!!

After the weigh in I have put on half a pound :( not good news but I know haven't been as good as I should have been. It is a good kick up the old backside, I will do better next time lol!

Monday 24th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - missed
Lunch - Subway
Snack - Pear
Dinner -
Snack -

Well Amy and me went to meet Steve at lunch, we went for a subway but unfortunately Steve's tummy still off it, maybe too much after being poorly for so long. I have broken my diet by having a sub, but to be honest it was not nice, I am having trouble enjoying 'normal' food,  my body not used to it and it doesn't take kindly to me messing it up!

I am like a coiled spring at the moment and feel like I am going to blow any minute.  The poor kids are getting it in the neck and I am not happy being like this! I have had alot of morphine for my pain this weekend, more than I normally take so I am not sure if this is adding to my stressed feelings! The diet is ok but it is hard when my routine is changed, need to get back into the strict routine I was used to. I am planning on losing another stone and a half by the end of December, so I better knuckle down.

Having a night out with the girls tonight, off to get Amy on the case as my eyebrows are ready to walk off my face and I have a moustache any teenage boy  would be proud of - lol!

Sunday 23rd October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - none
Lunch - none
Snack - none
Dinner - Ham salad

Mmm not had a good day today, was only up for two hours before going back to bed.  Not only in pain and down was wiped out from two consecutive days of morphine.  Not really with it today at all :( . Got some jobs to do tomorrow so got to feel bit better but luckily Amy offered to help me.  Bit disappointed that I didn't have a good look at the fair this year, but neither me or Steve felt up to it!

Have had the munchies with the meds so eaten more chocolate than normal, but back on the strict diet tomorrow! Hope my Stevie feels better soon, poor chap is still off it!

Saturday 22nd October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - Chicken New Yorker
Snack - banana
Dinner - nothing not well

Was on morphine last nigh, so had a thumping head today! Had the normal munchies and did indulge in a bit of chocolate but still not too much! Today went shopping at Morrison's again. Managed to get my salad stuff and some fruit, but all supermarkets at the moment have a terrible range of fresh goods and nothing is consistent, I know its not a good time me year for fresh goods in this country but lets face it even in summer we can only buy foreign produce!

Anyway, Steve still a bit off it so we are going to have a dvd night!

Friday 21st October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - beef Salad
Snack - Yogurt
Dinner - ham salad
Snack - Yogurt

Steve still off ill poor bloke. Making my diet hard to stick to but we'll get there.

Thursday 20th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - Banana
Snack -
Dinner -

Well had a lie in today, Steve is still off work and it has totally messed up my routine lol!!!

Wednesday 19th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - ham salad
Snack - Pear
Dinner - Beef salad
Snack - Yogurt

Well little Sidney having his manhood taken away today and I'm relieved for him as everyone will hopefully stop picking my him. He is such a softie and is learning slowly but surely that was are his friends! Daisy still struggling eating but is smelling tons better!

Tuesday 18th October 2011 Weigh day!

The diet

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Dinner - Small chicken curry at Asda!
Snack - Pear
Dinner - Ham salad
Snack - Yogurt

Well it was the weigh in tonight and I haven't lost anything since last Friday, but haven't put anything on either so in total lost 2lbs since last Tuesday. Think things went downhill when I had a mixed kebab at my Mum and Dads on Saturday night instead of being good and having just chicken and salad. A good lesson has been learnt from this and the odd bar of chocolate that I have snook in! Tomorrow it is back to being strict, this is the only way to maintain the loss.

So altogether the last week has still been a success because 2lb loss is good but I know it could have been more. Got to remember I control my food now, it does not control me!

My beautiful Daisy had all her teeth out today and she is recovering slowly. I know its the best we could do for her and hope she forgives us soon. Sidney has also gone to the vets for a very delicate procedure, yes you've guessed it, he's having his balls chopped off, poor little man. We are hoping, now he is officially ours that having this done will stop Merlin and the neighbours cats picking on him. He will also be chipped, so he is formally a Housechild lol! Wow 7 beautiful cats, how lucky am I! Five girls and two boys and all my babies!

Will report on their progress tomorrow!  Night night!

Monday 17th October 2011

The diet

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Banana
Lunch - chicken breast bites from Morrisons
Snack - Pear
Dinner -
Snack -

Went to meet Steve as lunch today with James, we nipped to Morrisons as Steve fed up with small choice of sandwiches etc from Asda. Forgot how nice Eastwood Morrisons is, think my weekly shop will transfer to there til I get bored again lol! I did have 10 got and spicy chicken nuggets but they were tasty! Not really diet food but its difficult when I meet Steve at lunch

Sunday 16th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - 2 cracker bread with philly
Snack - Pear

Not having a good time at the moment with my mood, really struggling and had to take morphine tablet to try and help the backache! The diet ok, but not feeling good so really down.

Saturday 15th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
snack - Pear
Lunch - Ham Salad
Snack - Yogurt and a jelly
Dinner -
Snack

Well the diet is going well still and I am really chuffed at the 2lb weight loss, it may have slowed down but at least it is still coming off so I must be doing something right!  Anyway it is healthier to do it slowly so I'm happy with that.  I am considering joining Curves,  has anyone experience of this place? Any info would be great because I don't want to sign myself up for something that is not suitable for me!

Friday 14th October 2011

The diet-
Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Pear
Lunch - Chicken Curry at Asda Cafe! Yum
Snack -
Dinner - ham salad
Snack</p>

Have come to meet Steve today for Lunch! He should have come out at 12.30 but is on the phone! Ooh he has just appeared! We decided to have something to eat at Asda so I had a naughty chicken curry, but lets face it they don't exactly give you a massive portion lol! Really enjoyed it though! Enjoyed seeing my Steve even if its not for long.
Although I have not stuck to the diet in a strict was this week, I've not fell of the wagon! I was getting far too obsessed so this is my way of getting some control back! I have a problem about being too perfect at things which I have to try and keep in check!

Also today I have been for my regular visit to the job centre. I have been advised to stop applying for jobs and try the volunteering for Derbyshire Voice that is a Mental health charity. She thinks that I will be good at being a rep for them at meetings as I am not frightened of saying what I think, mmm not sure if that's a compliment or not lol! Isn't that what has got me into trouble before!?! I can only argue about things I feel passionate about, so yes maybe this a good start for me, I do hate how Mental health sufferers are judged, treated and discriminated against! I am also passionate about sticking up for my family but that's not always appreciated now I am finding! Oh well I can't change who I am, you can either love me or hate me I ain't going to change!

Anyway rant over think I might have a trip to Tesco with Steve. I will walk slowly down the chocolate and Christmas isle and glance longingly at the goodies on display and behave myself completely lol!

NEWS FLASH - LOST 2LBS SINCE MONDAY! YAY!

Thursday 13th October 2011 Sad day today

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana

Its a sad day today, it is 19 years since my Nana died (my mums mum).  I was pregnant at the time with Ross and he was born only a couple of weeks later on 1st November.  Hopefully we will get chance to go and put some flowers on her and my Grandads grave later on when my mum finishes work.

Well due to other things happening didn't get chance to take flowers so will have to go at the weekend!

Diet going well, really want to have another weigh in but only did it Monday so too soon really. Life at home really complicated at the moment and things are so upside down.  Don't really want to explain this at the moment but as usual its probably all cause of me as I am so useless! Really do think the whole family would be better off without me! Need to think this through!

Wednesday 12th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana

Snack - Pear

Lunch - 3 crackerbreads with low low chesse spread with chilli

Snack - Pear

Dinner - Beef salad

Snack - 

Well my settees and chair arrived today - yay and they look absolutely brill, I was having reservations going from leather back to fabric, but my worries were completely unfounded.  Must admit though some of the cats have tried to use it as a scratching post!!!!!  For the first time ever, we shut the living room door so this couldn't happen whilst we were in bed!!!  The dining room now have the old settee in so its not a though they have nowhere to snuggle down, although I do feel guilty for doing this!!

As for the diet, all is going well really, keep forgetting to take my multi vitamins though, think is cause I take enough stuff as it is without adding more!!!

Tuesday 11th October 2011

The diet

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Very sour nectarine yuck!

Well been to the Psychiatrist and yep I'm still wappy lol! Been to weigh myself and I've lost another 2.2lbs, or 1kg which ever you prefer. So total weight loss 8.8kg or 1 stone 6lbs. Yay!  So even the odd cheeky bar of chocolate is not doing me any harm! Though I must admit it is only the odd bar! 

So now off to Queens Hospital at Burton for my MRI scan. Report back later x

Well the MRI scan went well, managed to stay still for 15 mins! Can't wait for results..!

Monday 10th October 2011

The Diet

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Slice of toast
Lunch - chicken and bacon salad
Snack - Nectartine and jelly
Dinner - Beef salad
Snack -

Well today was physio at Nottingham City Hospital.  My mum had the day off to come with me, so we had the morning in Derby.  I bought a new leather bag and my mum bought me a cat charm for my bracelet and a top - how spoilt am I!!!  Physio was hard work today, gone are the nice soothing exercises, now I have to do mean ones which not only hurt, but make me sweat!!!  It is all worth it though.  Got to go for my scan on my lower back tomorrow to see why I am going numb from my waist to my knees - in a way I hope they find something, so at least it can be treated, otherwise it will be another thing that is blamed by my weight, but funnily enough the numbness has got worse even though I have lost some weight - go figure!!!!

Anyway it is now night time and am I going to try and pin Steve down for a little chat - need to sort this family problem out lol!!!!

Diet a success again today so, yay!!!!

Sunday 9th October 2011

The Diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Yogurt
Lunch - Don't think I should say lol
Snack - Yogurt
Dinner - Ham salad
Snack - two plums and a jelly

Well its the Grand Prix this afternoon, so we are going to do a quick wizz around Asda to get even more diet food - bloody diet costs a fortune!!!  Really would like a binge on chocolate today, just the way I am feeling, but I have to stay good, or all my hard work will be for nothing and that will send me spiralling down into a deeper depression and I can't afford that at the mo!!!  Will report back later!!!!!

I really struggled today with food and I have sinned big time, but I would rather not share this with you, as I feel bad enough as it is.  Ended up going back to bed cause I felt so bad, which gave Steve time to go to the gym!!!  I really need to put a line under today and try and forget about it!!!!

Saturday 8th October 2011

The diet -
Breakfast - banana
Snack - Yogurt
Lunch - Nando's chicken
Snack - missed :( stuck in traffic
Dinner - Ham salad
Snack - Yogurt

Had a lovely day today with Steve in Derby. We have had lots of fun and laughs. Picking what to have for lunch was difficult but we decided Nando's was the best option, but I still don't like it there, so won't give it another go! 

Well feeling good about the diet still, but leaving it til Tuesday to weigh myself, which seems ages away.  Unfortunately Steve not on holiday this week like I was hoping, so got physio tomorrow and my mum is coming with me and then on Tuesday I have the Psychiatrist with my CPN and then a spinal scan at Burton Hospital which Steve is coming with me!!!  So got a busy couple of days coming up.  OOh and my settee is coming on Wednesday, at last yipee!!!!!  I can't wait to see what it looks like.  Its a shame they don't give you a time, but they do give you a call half an hour before so will be on tenter hooks waiting yay!!!

Had a quiet night as everyone went out, other than Steve, so I watched X Factor in peace whilst Steve watched some horror in the dining room!!!  Really liking that Craig bloke, he is really trying to look after himself and can sing so lovely!!!  Janet Devlin is a sweetheart and will do well, I am in the camp that dislikes Kitty unfortunately, I can't see the appeal at all, she is just too dramatic for me and I know by the end of it I will be chuntering everytime she is on like I did with Katie Weasel.  Not keen on 2 Shoes, Marcus, Amelia, Nu Vibe or James.  But hey, who I am to judge - but isn't that what we are meant to do????  I always watch, but I am not 100% convinced it is a healthy situation to put people in!!!

Anyway had my rant, yet again.  time for bed!!!

Friday 7th October 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - a Cheeky bar of naughty chocolate
Lunch - Ham salad
Snack - Nectarine
Dinner - chicken salad
Snack -

Well yesterday Steve was put in a very awkward by a member of his family after them not being in touch think they can ring up and demand a favour! I don't  frigging think so! Yes I wanted this sorting out but not this way, hell no!  I will not sit back and take this! My Steve is now very sad and why, because of the most selfish people I have ever known! Steve is my life and I won't let him be used.

Now I bet you wondering about the bar of chocolate! It was lovely lol, a Quality Street My Purple Bar!  First time I have had milk chocolate in over three weeks and I am not too proud to tell you it was the most gorgeous thing I have eaten for ages!  Back on the diet though, I don't blow it and binge like I feel like doing, having a treat is good for the soul I think lol! Makes me a nicer person though! I did buy two but I gave James the other one! See I can do good! Anyway other than that the diet is all good. Not most anymore since Tuesday weigh in, but it has slowed down so will leave it til Tuesday to weigh myself again! Nearly time or Steve getting home so bye for now!

Thursday 6th october 2011

The diet -

Breakfast - yogurt
Snack - Banana
Lunch - 2 crackerbreads with low low cheese spread and slice of ham
Snack - Banana
Dinner - Chicken and veg
Snack - Yogurt Had a strange day today, had nightmares again and it really put a downer on the whole day. Whatever I ate today didn't satisfy me, my depression taking over. I managed not to cheat but it was hard. Steve made me a lovely tea again. He roasts the chicken breast with herbs and spices to make it more palatable with peas, sweetcorn and green beans all my favourite veg! I'm not allowed any sauces or gravy which has taken some getting used to but its ok now! Another successful days!

Wednesday 5th October 2011 - Still chuffed to bits!!!

The diet -

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Yogurt
Lunch - 2 crackerbreads with low low chesse spread and a couple of pieces of ham
Snack - Nectarine
Dinner - Roast chicken with veg
Snack - 2 plums and 2 jellies

I am in a lot of pain today and my mood is extremely low, but still in the back of my mind I have a happy place where I am pleased with my progress on the weight loss.  I have also found out that I have been an inspiration to my most excellent friend L, although my inspiration has cost her money lol!!!  Went to meet Steve at lunchtime and we hasd a very slow walk around Asda, I am really fed up with salad at the mo, so Steve says he is going to do something different for me tonight and I am going to have oven baked chicken breast with spices, peas, sweetcorn and 2 baby potatoes, so I am really looking forward to tea.  He really is a star, thinking out of the box and coming up with something tasty, I am boring and stick to the simple things.  But you know this is a big step for me, cause I don't normally look after myself I didn't bother eating all day, so now being in a routine of eating reguarly is a really big thing for me.  So simple food is easy for me to plan and execute lol!!!

I hope that everyone is still enjoying following my blog, I know its all about me, but don't have anything else to talk about lol!!!!  As for the family thing, still have not come up with a solution, mmm will have to keep thinking!!!!

The day has been hard, still in pain and nearly time for bed. I just want to thank everyone again who is supporting and following my blog. It is amazing how many fabulous friends I actually have, I am absolutely bowled over by this.  Your comments mean the world to me, please keep then coming. Love to you all!

Today is another success!

Tuesday 4th October 2011 - D Day

The diet so far -

Breakfast - Banana (surprise surprise lol)
Snack -  Nectarine
Lunch - Chinese buffet - Had mainly pork which was very lean, had some rice
Snack - Missed
Dinner - Beef salad

Snack - Yogurt

Well its D Day and time to show all the doubters that I am not a complete loser!!!  Isn't it funny, the people who thought I would fail at this have said nothing at all - amazing!!!  Well I am all up and ready, just got to wait for Steve to get out of bed and James too, he doesn't have work or college today bless him, he does work hard!!!  Will report back later what the hospital have said!!!

Right, I am a bit late reporting, but better late than never eh!!!  Anyway, I couldn't believe it, the dietitian couldn't even raise a smile, she just said 'I can live with that' - ha I could have kicked her but I didn't, couldn't be bothered to get arrested lol!!!  Anyway,  I have lost more weight than I thought, I had calculated my weight one kg lighter so altogether I have lost 17.2lbs.  I have to go back in seven weeks to check on my progress - feel like there is a lot of pressure on me to do well again, but the weight loss has slowed down so realisitically thats not going to happen.  I will stick to the diet but I know I will not lose as much in the same time.

Well for a celebration we went to May Sum Chinese Buffet in Derby.  I was still very careful what I ate, I certainly didn't want to upset my stomach, or spoil all of the hard work I have put in!!!  Afterwards we went for a trot around Westfield and James, the little angel bought me a charm for my bracelet, it is beautiful.  So me and Steve have decided for every stone I lose, I get a charm - what an incentive is that - yay!!!!

I count this as another successful day - whoop whoop!!!!!

Monday 3rd October 2011 One day to go til the hospital!!!

The Diet
Breakfast - Yogurt and a little later on a banana!!!
Snack - Another banana - going to turn into one eventually!!!
Lunch - 2 crakerbreads with a thin layer of phili and a couple of slices of beef
Snack - 2 small pears
Dinner - Ham salad
Snack - Yogurt and jelly

Well one day to go til the hospital, I must admit this past three weeks hasn't really dragged at all like I thought it would being on such a strict diet!!!  I am going to go any weigh myself tonight just to check on my progress before stepping on the cattle scales at hospital - they are massive and take up quarter of the room - how embarrassing lol!!!
I am trying to get all the washing and ironing done today, so Steve and me can have a nice day tomorrow without worrying about housework!!!  My pains are quite bad, so I am trying to pace myself, less haste and all that!!!  So glad it is sunshining, got stuff on the line and tumble dryer is going - just got to really pace myself for the ironing.  Right, can't sit here all afternoon, better carry on......................!!!!
Well I have done a majority of the ironing, in a lot of pain but chuffed to have done it. Gives me and Steve a rest tomorrow from it! Even managed to give the bathroom a good going over! Anyway, I have been for last weigh in before tomorrow and have lost another pound since Saturday. My loss up to date it now 16.5lbs in 20 days. So today another success, yay! 

Sunday 2nd October 2011

The diet -

6.45 am - Yogurt
Breakfast - Banana
Snack - 2 small pears
Lunch -
Snack -
Dinner -
Snack -

Well had a lovely night with the niece and nephew, due to lack of space because so many people stopping last night poor Steve ended up on the settee!!!  Now what to do today, still got yesterdays predicament on my mind, still not sure what to do - mmm got to get my thinking cap on!!!

Saturday 1st October 2011

The diet

Breakfast - Banana
Snack - Peach
Lunch - Cajun Chicken with salad and half a jacket potato
Snack - Peach
Dinner -Ham salad
Snack - Peach

Well I'm in a lot of pain today, but have lots to do and we have the niece and nephew coming to stay tonight, so have to get lots of goodies in for them.  Must say I had a better nights sleep last night even though it was hot, thank goodness for our fan, don't know how I would sleep without it!!!

Went to Tesco today to get myself weighed, up to date I have lost just over 15lbs in 18 days.  So it shows that the weight loss has slowed down a bit, but thats not a problem.  I go to to hospital on Tuesday and I do think they will be amazed at how well I have done, think they are expecting me to fail!!!!

I have come to a decision, well I think I have lol.  To be honest I am fed up with the divide within the family, not on my side, we are all ok, but the other side isn't!!!  For years we have been exculded from family things, mostly because we had small children and that I was not really what they decided was good marriage material for their son!!!  Since the kids have grown up we have been included in more things, but also there have been moments that I have had to keep quiet over things that have unsettled me.  Now I had to keep quiet to save other peoples feelings, but no one thought about mine.  Anyway this was taken out of my hands when we were completely ignored last Christmas - this broke my Steve's heart - but as we had actually done nothing wrong, we did not make the effort back anymore, now this has been going on for 10 months and it is getting silly.  We have now been excluded from a family wedding, why????  I don't know as we have done nothing, or said nothing to get us excluded, this can only have happened by certain family members stirring things.

Now, me and Steve keep to ourselves, we do not impose on anyone - never have, never just turned up with the kids and made anyone feel awkward, we accepted the way everyone felt and got on with life.  But then people expect you to change, just cause it suits them - I have never been able to conform to other peoples thinkings.  I am ill and have been for 18 years, I no longer make excuses for my illness or how it makes me behave sometimes.  People who love me, accept my quirkiness, those who don't. don't and ignore me!!!  this is fair enough, but don't start making things difficult with others, that is not necessary!!!  The cousin who's wedding is today is lovely and so is her now husband, I have never ever insulted them or done anything infact and neither has Steve!!!!

So, anyway the point of this rant, is that I have decided, like my past life, I want to leave it there in the past.  All this is upsetting Steve and I don't want that.  He is a strong man and will not apologise for something he hasn't done - I can't blame him for this, but I think I need to do something to make all this right again, or as right as possible.  I know I will be the blame of everything thats gone wrong, but I am easy to blame as none of these people really know who I am. The thing is I just don't pretend to be something I am not unlike some others I can mention.  So I need to decide what to do - any ideas??????